The day we met, someone I cared about a lot, told me that you were the one for me. It seemed crazy at the time, more than insane, the only thing that had occurred between us was an argument over a couple of kids. Your stance defended the one I needed to show guidance to, and your punishment went to the one I wanted to protect. I thought nothing much more of you, than the perception that you had no idea what you had done. But for some reason I could not fight you. The lioness inside me was tamed by your side, but not because I wanted you to like me, for I couldn't have hated anyone more in that moment. But for the rage that usually comes out throwing punches was not there for you, something inside made me respect the choice you made, even though my brain was screaming otherwise.
I went back to school that night and talked to my friend about you. I told him what you had done, I told him I detested you, but couldn't shake you. He probably said, only three more days and you never have to see him again, just look the other way. I could almost bet that he felt the danger of the connection right then. A couple of weeks later while he and I argued over whether I should work with you on your project, he told our boss that if she let me have that, if she let us work together, it would be the end of everything. I thought he was crazy, and after a lot of quarrelling, we decided that it would be up to you. When the time came, weeks later, you just said that I was going to be doing the editing, you never asked, never presumed that I would say no. Later you made me a mentor, and from the onset it felt like we were a team of one. The thing is, I don't think we ever had a choice. Our meeting was like thunder and rain.
I never understood how we were both under the same roof, for at least a year, in your comings and goings into our place of work, and we never met. I never got how I didn't learn of your projects, when posters were up, and you worked with some of my closest pupils. I told you later that I remembered reading about your car pushing exercise :p in the paper and thought that man was crazy!! But I never knew you, had I known, I would have been cheering front row. I was instead, dealing with an overwhelming sickness; an inexplicable complication that made my body fail to absorb the iron in my blood. They did all this tests and nothing was found, there was no internal or external explanation; and then in the end there was just a whole lot of bleeding. A month of completely unnatural loss of fluid, when I walked back into the hospital the last time the doctor could not believe I was standing and talking. I remember his face so clearly, he grabbed my hand and said I had lost 2/3 of all the blood in my body, I should not be smiling, I should be unconscious. I almost wanted to hug him and say I did not feel that bad, just a little tired. Just as quickly as the illness came about, it went away. That last time in the hospital they kept me in and did another bunch of tests, they gave me a whole lot of new blood (thank you donors, I am breathing because of you!), they put in something to stop the bleeding and then I got shipped out. They never found what caused all the madness inside me, the months of exhaustion, of pain, of fainting just ended, 2 days before I met you.
Our meeting was like thunder and rain, but it would have never happened had I not been half dead the week before. My life was in motion, I had places to be, I had other plans and you were not meant to be standing there.
No comments:
Post a Comment