I guess I should say; many years ago, by coincidence, I became a teacher. That was not the path I had planned, or ever considered, but a great Professor saw that in me. She was one of those people that felt more like a friend than a teacher, she got me, or at least I felt that way, because she always heard what all of me was saying. So, when she said that I should follow that path, while I continued to study to become the great writer/filmmaker that I wanted to be, I thought, well who am I to argue. Seldom did people see something grand in me, so I took her advice.
The following year I applied for the Masters Degree that I wanted to follow and the Teaching Degree that she saw within me, and left it to chance. I do that… believe in the Universe and leave things to chance because somewhat I think the right path is already written in the stars. Life had me a little challenge though, it offered me both, so my plan sort off did not work as smoothly as I had presumed. Life threw the choice back in my face… well thank you, I say! I was so bad at making choices. Anna then suggested that I should do teaching first, and then start working while I did my Masters part-time. I needed a better job, since becoming a student had set me back a lot. So, I went with it, I studied hard, I passed the hurdles that came with doing a tough course, and after 12 months I had a card that said I could go ahead and educate the next generation, on things linked to English and Media. God save them, I thought! But actually, I turned out to be good at it. I owe that, I think, to some of the great teachers I've had in my life, the crazy ones, the ones that still stay in my minds eye even after decades have passed. I owe them everything, because when I became one myself, I knew the only way I would be able to make a difference was to become the kind of person that saw the kids - through the good and the bad, and who challenged and questioned, and who did not do the paper pushing, but the pushing of minds. It was not going to be an easy ride, and I never wanted it to be. It just, sometimes, it became more painful than I thought I could survive.
To all the kids, big and small, that ever entered my teaching path, I am so grateful, even the tough ones. You all taught me lessons I will never take for granted.
But back on the initial thought. I became a teacher because of Anna, but I left it behind because of me. Everything happens for a reason, and for me though teaching had to be part of my journey, it was never my destination.
I think that meeting you right after I had decided to walk away from it was more meaningful than it first appears. We met in October, I feel by a coincidence that was kind of scheduled. I should explain.
I applied for the job that I had at the time we met, on a whim. You could say there is a pattern to my choices. Almost two years prior, while I sat in a library in Geelong I got an email about a job working with disengaged youth. I had not planned at that time to go back into a classroom; I was running my little business and had around 20 students, I was more than busy. I was studying Forensic Psychology (one of my other passions) and trying to write my Thesis in Cinema, and doing my very best to be an ok parent. Life was full, did I need another job… no way!! I copied the link to my desktop and let it fade away. Maybe later... next year, whatever, I thought. But after a few weeks passed, a final argument with my supervisor and the ending of a contract, changed things. I had nothing to lose so I emailed that job, way too late to even be considered, but like I said, I leave everything to chance.
The next week I met with the lady that run that show and a week later I had the job… crazy!!! After I met you I learned that you got your job, around the same time as I did; though I don't know anything about the choices that led you there. You came into our centre regularly, and worked with some of my students. I am sure we passed each other in the hallway or the yard; but we never met. That wouldn't seem like much if we were a big school, and I was not involved in everything that had to do with the students and my boss; but we were tiny, and I knew everything about everybody.
I think once I walked into her office and you were there, I remember her introducing me to someone, but I was on a roll about something and I barely glanced in your direction. Within in the same breath I said hi, and blah blah blah about whatever was going on at the time, before rushing back to my class. Sorry… I must have seemed like a real charmer!
A couple of months before we met, I applied to Community Services at Tafe, because I wanted to follow a desire to work for Child Protection. I thought long and hard when that decision came about, especially because my sickness had made me want to push back from everything and follow only that which really mattered. If I had left in the middle of the year, like my head told me to do, we would not have met. Or maybe, we would have, just not then. You had crossed my path before… when I read your stories I remembered when. Sometime before, when you walked the side of the highway pushing a wheelie bin full of fairy dust, I drove past you. I thought then, that you were some kind of 'odd' person, but when I read your blog, I just thought the odd one was me. I told you later, in conversation, that I had never noticed you before and you said "well!!! I never noticed you either", and we both laughed. I guess that was not true, I noticed you every time, I just wasn't ready to see you.
You walked into my life in October, in my head I had already decided to leave teaching at the end of that year. But you came in and put in front of me a project I could not walk away from; or maybe I couldn't walk away because it was you. And though I tried really hard to push you away, I could't do it. So I took the full-time job, and the curriculum writing that was dangled in front of me, and the chance to work with you on a magazine that could give the kids a voice they never thought they had. How could I say no. How could I ever leave, when your spirit held me hostage in a way that I had so little control over.
You walked into my life on a day that my body felt broken, but my heart felt alive, and I did not understand why...
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